Up With This Kind of Thing: Paul Feig x The Rake Cocktail Column

THE RAKE’s cocktail expert, Paul Feig, shows you how to get the best out of your martinis. Let’s start with the golden rule: don’t bin the gin.

Up With This Kind of Thing: Paul Feig x The Rake Cocktail Column

If this issue of The Rake is all about design, let’s talk about the drink that comes in the most beautifully designed glass of all time — the martini. To me, the martini glass is the world’s classiest vessel for transporting alcohol from the mixing glass to your mouth. Gorgeously impractical (have you ever tried to navigate a party with an overfilled one?) and timelessly evocative, its V-shape signals cocktail victory for every imbiber who holds one in their hand. 

As Rake readers, I’m sure each of you have an order you recite to the bartender with a specificity rivalled only by your coffee order to your local barista. Up with a twist, up with olives, stirred, shaken, dry, extra dry, wet, dirty, filthy — everyone has their preference. And yet I’m always surprised by how many cocktail lovers are intimidated by the thought of making their own martini. It’s the booze world’s version of folding a pocket silk — it seems easy to do, and there’s lots of instructions on how to do it, but it also seems so finicky that most people don’t even try. 

The beauty of a martini is its simplicity. It’s really only two ingredients with the addition of an olive or a twist. Sure, some people add a couple of drops of bitters to their recipe, but I feel that’s taking this sublime cocktail away from its true self. A martini is all about the gin and its interaction with vermouth. And yes, Virginia, there must be vermouth. The whole ‘wave the closed bottle over the glass’ thing doesn’t produce a martini. It’s just a glass full of gin. The vermouth, even in the smallest amount, gives the martini its complete taste, its roundness and its silky smoothness by polishing the sharp edges of the base alcohol. Then the olive or twist adds the personality. 

O.K., let’s get this out of the way. I say this with love: stop drinking vodka-martinis. Seriously. They’re not real martinis. A martini is gin and vermouth. All gins have specific and pronounced flavour profiles. The vermouth and twist or olive accentuates that. But you’re mainly tasting the gin, which is the whole point of a martini. Vodka, on the other hand, is made to have no flavour. So all you’re really tasting is vermouth and whatever you dropped into the glass. I love vodka, and it’s great in other drinks because it doesn’t get in the way of its fellow ingredients, but a martini is all about showcasing gin. Please jump up to the juniper. 

Illustration: Sapper.

I’m always surprised by how many cocktail lovers are intimidated by the thought of making their own martini. 

What are the keys to making a great martini? 

Freeze your glasses 

There’s nothing more cinematic and impressive than an ice-cold martini in a frosty glass. I always keep four martini glasses in my freezer, ready for any unexpected guests. 

Stirred, not shaken 

Apologies to James Bond, but unless you love a flotilla of ice chips and a cloudy drink, don’t shake the shit out of your martini. Shakers are great for making other cocktails, but stirring a martini in an ice-filled mixing glass gives you the proper amount of dilution without changing the integrity of your drink. 

Make it ice-cold

There’s nothing more disappointing than being served a beautiful martini that turns out to be sorta cold. Make sure to put a lot of ice in your mixing glass and stir your martini for at least a minute. 

Old vermouth is bad vermouth 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been handed an ancient, half-filled, room-temperature bottle of vermouth from someone’s liquor cabinet when trying to make a martini. Vermouth turns into vinegar if it’s open and not kept cold. So make sure you use a fresh bottle and slam it in the fridge as soon as you’re finished. It’ll stay good for several months. 

Now it’s time to make it the way you want. I personally like a very dry martini, so I put only the smallest dash of vermouth into my mixing glass. You may like a stronger vermouth taste, so you can add up to half an ounce or more. Experiment with different amounts to see what you like best. Of course, the olive or twist is up to you. 

Are you worried about your bartender’s livelihood now that you know their secrets? Then donate to the Restaurant Workers’ Community Foundation (restaurantworkerscf.org ), which is dedicated to making the restaurant industry more hospitable to everyone.