Wonder Woman: The Chairman
When we think of the Chairman we might conjure images of cigar smoke and boardrooms. Understandable, even now. But the picture needs a second look.
The Chairman has always operated in a man’s world. This fact — and her capacity to remain unfazed by the status quo — was clear for everyone to see when she was given an award in 2013 literally titled ‘man of the year’. Of course, the Chairman takes all of this in her stride.
The Chairman is unimpeachably authoritative, sine qua non. She remains the primary source for her subject matter. All others in the same professional promontory are surplus to requirements, as most of them defer to her and dare not be seen cutting her grass, not only out of deference but at the risk of looking foolish.
The Chairman is a social seminar to her male counterparts. Time in her company is much like Shakespeare’s sweet sound that breathes upon a bank of violets. You will never feel uncomfortable in her company: she possesses that rare skill of making sure you feel like you are the only person in the room, with ne’er so much as a glance over the shoulder to see who else is around — a trap the rest of us fall into more than we would care to admit. This also applies to those rare sorts for whom she has ill feeling, whereupon she files them under the category ‘know thine enemy’.
Those who understand the difference between a successful shoot and a lacklustre one always have a peg reserved for the Chairman, who in turn shoots straight, is a perfect guest at luncheon, and is the first to send a thank-you letter (which is written in tobacco-brown ink, mighty chic). Having her as a guest is bettered only if you are lucky enough to be her guest on one of her days. Take my advice: find a Trinidad Fundadores from when they were rolled at El Laguito as a gift.
The Chairman’s vice is that she is a hoarder, though she manages to make a virtue out of it. She made a habit many years ago of putting aside a small amount of the goods that she would otherwise send to market, and now, in the world of collections and collaborations, it has become a treasure trove that a lucky (and discerning) few can avail themselves of if they move quickly enough.
The Chairman is a custodian. Like those before her, she sees her role not as one entrenched in the vagaries of quarterly returns and Excel spreadsheets; instead, and as she must, she takes a longer-term view of how to protect the sacred trust placed in her.
Speaking of protection, these days there are few indulgences in life that can be shared with friends that have not had some form of regulation slapped on them. Never fear, though, the Chairman has our best interests at heart, and when that cold, sterile arm of government inevitably sticks an oar into her domain, she is ready to feather it and send it on its way. She will be the first at parliament’s door, making the case not so much against their plans but for our rights, us simple Englishmen, without an axe to grind but with a wish to enjoy a simple pleasure. This work requires in the Chairman the passion of an activist and the charm of a diplomat. These traits are usually mutually exclusive, but she has always been a mould breaker, and our lives would have been infinitely duller and more unpleasant without her interventions, whether we are aware of this fact or not.
All of which is to say that The Rake finds it perfectly normal — correct and appropriate, even — to raise a loyal toast each evening: ladies and gentlemen, the Chairman.
