Family Man

The Agent doesn’t so much live by the sword but by the pen, understanding that its mightiness is made manifest by the wielder rather than the ink.

What a mysterious and misunderstood breed the Agent is. His job is to let others shine in a world in which luminescence is at a premium and everyone wants their time in the spotlight. Often the Agent is represented on screen in a way that makes Jordan Belfort seem affable. To be fair, I am sure there are plenty who like to think they live up to the unflattering archetype, and feel like it’s something they can market themselves on. Our Agent is different, and if our agent has mastered the dark arts, he has aligned it with charm and the sort of diplomatic skills that the Foreign Office or State department could make use of.

How does the Agent present? Well, he lives by a particularly nifty credo: Think Yiddish, Dress British. Granted, this mantra is afforded only to fully signed-up members of the tribe, but it’s enjoyable that the philosophy exists.

His clothes need to be L.A.-appropriate (a town that prides itself on inclusion has always been hostile to the classic dresser). He is steadfast in the cause of elegant presentation, so he will dress in darker colours, navy or charcoal grey, with lightweight interiors, not much room for canvas and lining. He likes a three-roll-two button stance and keeps his lapels to a sensible three and a half inches. Perhaps earlier in his career he eschewed a tie but sensibly decided to restore it to full use when the world began to shrink as he rose. Now, as though a Star of David on top of the Christmas tree, his sentences are short but the meaning of them is profound.

Everything is strategy, but when Lady Luck comes his way he will adjust and take full advantage on behalf of his client, who in turn will get all the glory. This is perhaps why you shouldn’t play the Agent at backgammon: he plays with such finesse and charisma that he sometimes dictates the move you will make, but even his oldest friends cannot tell if he is leading you towards the best move or the worst; he exists on a different plane and will then turn your game upside-down with a well-placed double five at the exact moment he needs it.

The Agent hasn’t suffered a fool since 1987, when he just so happened to be in a good mood. However, it would be a mistake to think him unfriendly or short; he is a pure pragmatist and discerning, which is why talent in the industry is hustling for his representation. His quietuses belie the respect and awe he commands, and he deceives with a devilish smile that not only represents the fine traditions of American dentistry but gets everybody onside. He is a master of the art of letting other people have his way, and is a great believer in the saying ‘know thine enemy’.

There is a reason why James Bond is called an agent: our man differs not so much in his shadow-dwelling influence but from the fact that his purpose is to move mountains for people, and sometimes that requires sticking his head up and protecting those he represents. Those who require such a person in their life are to be found in the upper echelons of culture and politics, so the Agent, inevitably, moves in small circles. There are very few — and we mean very few — who can match his skillset, so The Rake salutes the Agent, and files him under ‘family’.